For some time now I have been wanting to be on staff as an artist for a pet site. I tried to be head artist at one site...but it was too much pressure and I had to leave. BUT! I have been accepted as an item artist on a new site that will be opening soon (before Christmas I think).

I want you all to come see me there and check out the forums! Register early and get in on the fun!

[link] <--------CLICKY!

BTW my user name there is Jade

This morning I woke once again from the same dream. For the past four years I have been having the same dreams, night after night and I don't know how to make them stop. I'm actually in tears this morning because of them. I don't know what to do, I just want them to go away.

The dreams aren't graphic or anything, they aren't nightmares per say, just disturbing to me.

Four years ago I split with my Ex after being together for 3 years. It wasn't a pretty break-up and I haven't spoken to him since. But it seems like every night, I dream about him. It isnt always the same dream, its always different, but he is always there. He could just be walking by me on the street, or he could be the center of attention in my dream. Sometimes I'm chasing him down the street, just trying to talk to him but he always slips away and doesn't say a word. Other times were at his house, with his mother and brother, doing general activities. And sometimes, he kisses me, nothing too sexual, just a kiss or a touch. In one dream he even apologized for hurting me then disappeared.

I feel so guilty about these dreams. Shortly after the break up, I met my husband and have been with him ever since. He gives me no reason to be unhappy or unfaithful, and I certainly don't want to be unfaithful. These dreams just make me feel unfaithful to him. Why don't I dream of my husband instead of a guy who broke my heart all those years ago?

Sometimes my husband is in the dreams. Or this guy takes the form of my husband, but I know it is still him. In the dream I had last night this guy had won the lottery and invited me to his home where he lived with his mother. I was there and I felt guilty for being there because my husband didn't know where I was. I felt unfaithful in my dream and I knew If my husband found out where I was all hell would break loose. But actually, in this dream, my husband did find out where I was, he came storming in the house and was heading straight for my ex, determined to kill him. I tried to stop him but couldn't, then to my shock, they came out from the other room laughing and patting one another on the back. They were friends! And this made me more furious than anything. I didn't want them to be friends. I didn't want them anywhere near each other. So I left and was sitting in a lawn chair, in the dark, at the edge of my ex's lawn. (which was HUGE with trees, a pond and fireflies every where) As I sat distraught about their friendship I saw my husband walking towards me and he asked me why I was upset. But before I could respond I woke up.

And when my husband came home this morning all I wanted to do was cling to him. I told him I had a weird dream, I didn't tell him the extent of it, but I told him that I dreamed him and my ex were friends. All he said was that would never happen and it was dropped.

-heavy sigh-

I just want the dreams to stop. I cannot contact my ex, I just can't. I'm afraid too. I don't want to hear what he might say, or what I might say. I don't even know what I would say to him even if I did talk to him. And I sure as hell don't want my husband to know if I contact him. After all the stuff I told my husband about my ex (bad bad stuff) he wants to choke the guy because he hurt me so bad. That and he would want to know why on earth I'm talking to him.

Eck...all this has got my stomach twisted in a knot.

I need a cigarette...

Haha, -poot- I love that. If your wondering what it is then watch the South Park Movie with subtitles.

Come to think of it...you should watch all movies with the subtitles on. You catch things that you missed before and they have clever ways of describing background noise. Like in one movie we were watching, someone had diarrhea and the subtitles said -shit splattering in toilet- ROTFL I swear to you that's what it said! Why on earth would I make that up? o.O

Anyhoo, my life has been better this month than it has in the past four years. My hubby changed jobs and he is now home every night and off every weekend. No more of him being gone for a week at a time and missing holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries. He is much happier and less stressed which had improved our marriage ten fold. Plus he is making more monies which makes things easier.

Ninja is growing and has become more playful. She loves to wrestle your hand and tackle your feet. So her name suits her well.
She is also a lover
Every night she sleeps in bed with us, which was a big adjustment since no other pet that we have had has been allowed in the bed. But she has earned it. I think she will be the kitty we keep for years to come. The other kitties we have had just didnt work out...but Ninja is different. ^^

I took Andrew (my son) to the pool last week. His first time there and my first time in a bathing suit since I had him. He was precious and I was hideous! LOL I was the whitest one there. Everyone else was nice and tan and here I was, a white whale in the kiddy pool. Hell, even the kids were more tan than I was! -hangs head- I need to get out more. But at least I didnt look like that one woman I saw there. She was so tan I thought she was African American. But nope, just that tan. Can we say skin cancer?!

Well, my diet ended. Yeah who didn't see that coming a mile away? What with Kevin being home all the time its hard to diet. I spend the day cleaning (so he doesnt have to come home to a pig sty) and chasing the baby. Then when he gets home, he takes over the living room with his PS3, laptop, and game shows. No time or room for exercise. And the bedroom is too small for all the jumping and kicking and sweating and grunting. Well, there is some grunting and sweating that goes on up there..but that's not for you kiddies to know about! HA! I did manage to lose 15lbs and keep it off so it wasnt a total waste I guess. ^^

Oh its dinner time! Gotta go whip up some Sky-line Chili Coneys for my boys! Tootles!

-poot-

-grumbles to herself-
So I started a diet right? and I have really been sticking to it. I have cut out soda and candy and have replaced it with water and fruit. Instead of stuffing my face until I am full, I have started eating smaller portions and drinking lots of water with my meals to fill me up. I also have myself on an eating schedule. Breakfast at 9am, Lunch at Noon, Snack at 3pm and dinner at 6pm. -glances at clock- Oh god! I have an hour to go and I am STARVING!

Well, on top of my dieting I have been doing this workout video that I bought like two years ago that I just took out of the wrapper. It is the work out that they used on the show The Biggest Loser so it is suppose to work. I have been going it for a little over a week now, and I have lost about 3 lbs. I know that doesnt sound like a lot, but I feel better physically. I dont just flop around the house all day. I get up, clean house, play with the baby, play a game or two on the computer, then exercise. Sure I need a nap after that but I will get use to all this activity. ^^ No more sitting on my rump in front of the computer all day! Sure my commissions have suffered, but...you all can wait! XD

On top of this lifestyle change, we have a new member in the family now. No no, Im not pregnant...oh wait...when was my last period anyway? -scratches head- Nevermind, what was I saying? On yes! The new member of our family. A few days ago my hubby took me to walmart and told me to get all the stuff we need for a new kitty. I was so surprised! I grabbed everything we needed plus some cute toys and we headed out to pick up a kitten from this lady that was giving them away.

I picked this sweet little black kitty and fell in love in a second! She is so cute and playful. She loves to run and pounce. We spent all day thinking of a name and I finally decided on Ninja. Yes, I named a female cat Ninja, and no Im not mental. I think its an adorable name! You would agree if she put her kitty ninja moves on you! She sneaks around in the dark and pounces when your unaware! Beware of Ninja!

Ok...wrists hurt...carpal tunnel is setting in.

Oh what a creative title huh? But honestly it is the freaking truth! Either that or we have an angel looking over us. My hubby has had a streak of good fortune these past weeks and hopefully it will continue. Let me tell you what I am talking about...


Last Friday night, I get a call at 2am. I figured it was my husband and I thought that for him to call this late there had to be something wrong. I answered the phone wincing at what I may hear at the other end but instead it was a joyful noise that came from the receiver. "Honey!" He exclaimed, "You will never believe what just happened! This is the best night ever! I just won BIG on a Scratch Ticket in Indiana!"

Now thinking that this was some joke, since we always talk about what we would do if we hit big, I scoffed and told him not to f*** with me this late. He got even more excited and swore up and down he wasn't lying to me and he sent me a pic of the ticket. I about s*** when I saw the image on my phone. We were screaming in joy over the phone and my sweet Hubby started to cry. He said now he can give me what I have always wanted.

And do you want to know what he ment? I know your on the edge of your seat....careful not to fall off!

Well, after he claimed the $$$$$ we rushed home and we cashed the check as quick as lightning. Part went in the bank, part went to bills and the with the rest we went on a shopping spree!

New laptop for him, new phones for all three of us, videos for the boy, itunes cards all around, and something special for me.

All my life the only thing I have ever wanted was a big beautiful bed with lots of pillows and a mattress like air. And my hubby knowing this took me to the furniture store and let me pick any bed I wanted. SERIOUSLY...ANY ONE I WANTED! So I picked a beautiful queen sized cherry sleigh bed with a luxury mattress. I swear it was like laying on a pile of fluff. I was so happy, I was dancing around the store and my hubby was grinning from ear to ear.

Now having this new bed I had to get new bed sheets and comforter. So I opted to go to Wal-mart to look for those things. But when I got there nothing caught my eye so what did my darling husband do? He drove me up to Bed, Bath and Beyond. I have never been there before and I was over whelmed when I walked in the door. So many bed sets to choose from!

I pointed at one of the pictures on the wall and said that was the prettiest bed I had ever seen. So he called over a woman that worked there, pointed at the picture and said, "Make my Wifes Bed look like that." So the woman smiled and filled the cart with sheets, pillows and more!

Now I hadn't even looked at the prices on anything so when we got to the register I about had a heart-attack! The total came to over $500! Just for a "Bed-in-a-cart"! I kept telling him we couldn't do that, it was too much. But he just smiled at me and said that he wanted to give me what I had always wanted. I almost cried. The woman who had helped us was just cooing at us. She said we were the cutest couple she'd ever seen and that she could tell that we had never done anything like this before. I told her I had never spent more than $30 for a bed-in-a-bag. She said it was so sweet what my hubby was doing for me and that it was the nicest gesture she had ever seen.

I still cant believe he did that for me! I just cant wait to get it all put together! That is love my friends!